Day 1....

I was sitting in my car outside the gym thinking how hard it really is to just walk in there and do it. For my entire life, I have been overweight. I have the thoughts that every overweight person has. Am I going to break this chair if I sit in it? Am I going to be able to get the seat belt around me? This is an internal struggle that I have on a regular basis.

Tonight I headed to the gym for the first time in about two years. I needed it. Emotionally and physically. I walked on the treadmill.....

I walked 3.1 Miles or 5K! I never imagined or thought I could do it. I didn't take any breaks or rests. I just kept on going. I actually really enjoyed it. I can't wait to go back on a regular routine. My workout partner helped me out a lot. There were a few moments where I wanted to break down in tears just because I am so mad at myself for letting it get this bad. But I am working on it and going to get down to the weight I want to be.

I am taking tomorrow off from workouts, but I will be back at it on Thursday. I have a blister on my foot the size of a quarter. So that shall be fun!

Check back for more updates soon!

Back on the Band Wagon....Weight Loss 2.0

Well, things happen and sometimes don't go as planned. We sort of lost track of the goal. There have been lots of things going on in our lives. We bought a house in February and Justin had a job change. We are just plugging away at life and sort of got off the beaten path.

We are returning to the weight loss journey that we started at the beginning of the year. Tuesday will be my first work out and Justin gets his walking home form work.

We have both set a goal of losing weight. We are planning on going on vacation to San Jose, California next March and want to be healthy and in shape for sight seeing and walking everywhere. I am beyond excited because I have just had enough. I am comfortable with myself and the person I am. But being overweight is not for me. I have had enough.

So I will starting working out as much as I can. My mom let us borrow a bike so we can go for bike rides on days we don't make it to the gym or Justin walking from home.

I am really excited about this again and our vacation. I will check in with everyone soon! Thanks for being faithful to us and sticking by us during the past few months!

Every Love Story is Special....Reasons Why I Know We Will Succee

I am been meaning to write this blog for a while now. It's sort of taking a step to the side away from the weight loss journey (which by the way is going well) and sort of reflect out reasons I know that we will succeed at this journey and the journey we've been on to get to this point and the journey we will be on for a life time.

When I was 13 years old, I was a fat kid with no friends, living in a small town in northwestern Iowa. A town full of cows, corn and mud. Three things I have never been a huge fan of, although I do love me a good cob of corn! I didn't really have any friends and 90% of my summer break was spent on the internet in my bedroom. During my online adventures, I found an awesome chat room for overweight girls and guys to get together and just chat about random stuff. I made a ton of friends through there. Even though my best friends lived in the computer, I was still extremely happy knowing that these people actually cared about me.

After joining the chat room, a sports obsessed 13 year old boy came in the room and he just annoyed the crap out of me. I would kick him out of the chat room on a regular basis because he was just annoying. Haha. Then I got to know him. Over the summer, as much as a 13 year old girl can fall in love over the internet with a boy she's never met, I fell in love. This boy told me about his heart condition, being born with a hole in his heart. I told him right after that, that he didn't have to worry anymore because I filled that hole. In a sweet, innocent way I never imagined what those words actually would mean.

Throughout the years, with both of us living in separate countries, I never knew or even expected that life would bring our two worlds colliding together. We kept in touch over the years and the feelings I had for this boy never faded. I can say they were hidden by feelings of what I thought were love for many years.

After my last relationship ended, I got a random Facebook message from this same boy, only 10 years later. We started talking about and I realized, 10 years worth of feelings were no longer hidden or bogged down by the influence of bad relationships.

February 16, 2012 I made the 7 hour drive to another country to meet a boy who held my heart for 10 years and to meet a boy that I filled a void in his heart 10 years earlier. I got lost trying to find his apartment. But as I went to push the button to call up to his apartment to let him know I was here, I paused. I took in a deep breath, told myself "here goes nothing", and with trembling hands, pushed the button. About 60 seconds later, I saw this boy, now man that I fell in love with, walking toward me (in his flaming red basketball shorts and bright blue Tim Tebow shirt). Our eyes locked, and we kissed. This ONE kiss, let me know tell you folks, felt like all the fireworks in the entire world for the past 10 years were going off at the same time.

Over the next 10 months, I drove to Ontario every 3 to 4 weeks to see him. We spent countless hours filling out immigration paperwork and a few thousand dollars to the government to get permission for Justin to move relocate to the United States, so we could be together.

February 16, 2013-One Year after that first kiss, I put on a beautiful white dress, he put on a purple tuxedo and we got married. Again, that kiss felt like a million fireworks.

As we approach February 16, 2014, we are about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. With all of the struggles, arguments, and pot holes in the road we've dealt with in the last 12 years now, I have no doubt in my mind that Justin and I will be successful with this journey. We've had such a tough journey so far, this seems like a piece of cake. (Oh my, cake sounds so amazing right now.)

Every day since we have been living together, I look at him and still can't believe how our fairy tale is my reality. I am the luckiest woman in the entire world to have a man that loves me for me. He accepts me and my flaws and still continues to support me in everything I do. I look at him and see 60 years down the road, he will still be there holding me and telling me everything will be okay. I have never in my life thought or imagined that a real love story would happen to me. I look at my husband daily and get butterflies in my tummy knowing that he is MINE! I have no idea how you can meet your husband when you are 13 years old on the internet. But even through fights, arguments, living in two different countries and the stress of immigration, we have come out of it stronger and more in love.

There is no doubt that we will succeed at this journey. With the most amazing man by my side, there is no reason to give up. He never has given up on me in 12 years, I won't give up on him.

All my love....

Week 2 Results!

Well,  I'm back. It's been a roller coaster of a week. I've sort of let time get away from me so I haven't been tracking my calories as much as I should have been.

However, I am down 2 pounds! Which is still fantastic and right on track with my goals! I am currently at 342 pounds. That is a total of 18 pounds GONE in two weeks. That's not too shabby!

I am still motivated as all get out to get this weight gone. Once I have lost 100 pounds, we are going to try for a baby! I'll feel much better about that once I'm at a healthier weight.

Anyways, I am feeling better and I CAN see the results already. My winter coat fits MUCH better than it did at the start of winter! lol

I do need to keep in mind that I am diabetic. Just because I am eating healthier, I need to remember foods that will not raise my blood sugar. Once I've lost weight though I am hoping to say goodbye to my medication! That is another HUGE goal of mine!

I'm not sure when Justin will be blogging again. He started a new shift at work of 4:30PM to 1AM, so that is taking him some getting used to! I'll be sure to kick him in the bum this week to get a blog post going!

Again, thank you all for investing your time in our journey! So far, so good! I really appreciate the encouraging words everyone has given to both of us! All my love....

Week 1 Results for Me and Struggles

Today I am faced with cupcakes and goodies that my team brought in. I really want a cupcake. I won't have a cupcake though. You want to know why? Because I am strong and motivated to do this weight loss.

Sunday, I stepped on the scale and was shocked. Extremely shocked. How in the world could this happen? There's no way. But the scale can't lie....right?

Well, I began this journey at 360 pounds. Are you ready for my current weight? It's scary. I don't know how it happens. Maybe water weight? Who knows.

Sunday's weight: 344 pounds. Do you realize that is 16 pounds less than what I started at? Maybe it's water weight, maybe it's my body getting adjusted to the new calorie intake. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten fried food in over a week. I'm not really sure, but I am not complaining either.

I am trying really hard to stay positive. I am trying to get over the hurdle of "eating when I'm bored". I can't complain with these results though. I am seriously happy and I feel that when I start working out, life will change completely.

Thank you for staying with us on this journey. I really appreciate the kind words of encouragement we are receiving.

All my love....

So Far So Good

Well, I figured I'd take a moment to update you on the first few days of our journey. I downloaded an app for my iPhone called myfitnesspal. This app helps track calories and exercises. While I haven't exercised much yet because we haven't been able to get our gym membership, this little tool helps me track the amount of food I'm eating and the calorie counts.

Based on my weight, height and my goal of 2 pounds a week, the app figured out that I need to eat 2010 calories a day, which isn't bad at all. So yesterday was the first day I actually put all of my foods into it and I came out only eating about 1450 calories. This to me is huge. I picked all healthy foods, nothing fried and only had one slice of bread. This is actually an accomplishment for me because normally I had fried foods and tons of bread during the day.

Today,  was much easier to say "No Thanks" to the nasty foods and "Yes please" to the good foods. I had 3 hard boiled eggs and a fresh fruit cup for break, lunch as another fresh fruit cup and a Caesar salad. For dinner, I think I am making chicken breasts with rice. I am seriously 100% motivated to do this.

I think the portion control and the healthier food choices is the biggest obstacle right now for me. I'm sort of glad I have a few weeks to get this portion of the journey under control before we start going to the gym. I have asked a few friends who are health about their ideas for exercises to do and got some great advice.

I am really glad that so far, I have succeeded with my expectations. You may think "Oh it's only day 3", well, you're right. But 3 days of denying bad foods and accepting good foods is a huge accomplishment for me. Already I feel cleaner inside and I don't feel bloated or gross because I just downed a basket of chicken fingers and french fries.

Well, that's all I have for now! All my love...

Your Past Does Not Equal, nor Does it Dictate, Your FUTURE!

Oh my, where do I even begin. I guess I'll start from the beginning. Ever since I was a child, I was "fat". Growing up, I was the chubby kid. I was active though. I played soccer, basketball, was in gymnastics and karate. I was always playing outside, jumping on the trampoline in our backyard, swimming in the pool, shooting hoops with my Dad outside. I was constantly moving it seemed.

When I hit puberty at the ripe ole age of 9 and became aware of emotions and feelings things changed. My life after that, was sort of scrambled and chaotic. We moved from a small town in Western Michigan to an even smaller town in Northwest Iowa. My family fell apart and after many bouts of depression, I was gaining weight. When we got to Iowa, I weighed 210 pounds. I went through so many ups and downs in Iowa. Emotionally I was broken. My parents had gotten divorced and I had very few friends. When I first moved to Iowa, the guidance counselor tried to find me friends with the "popular" girls, but I never fit it. There were all skinny and I was the "fat kid". By the time I graduated high school, I weighed in at over 300 pounds.

My weight has always been a roller coaster. In 2011 when I moved to northern Michigan I topped the scales are a whopping 410 pounds. I take full responsibility for my weight being out of control. I denied that I was in a sinking hole of depression and ate food to stablize my moods and feelings.

In the last 2 years, I have done a lot of soul searching. I have lost some weight, but my motivation wasn't there. I attempted going to the gym but I found excuses not to go anymore. My overeating continued.

When I fell in love with my husband again, I realized that I am worth more than what I had been treated in my past relationships. I had to learn to let go of the past and focus on the future. My husband helped me to realize that. I cannot compare my past to my future.

So, here it is, the end of 2013 and the beginning of a brand new 2014. I refuse to call this a New Years Resolution. The journey that my husband and I are about to go on is a LIFE LONG RESOLUTION. It is an entire lifestyle change. I am scared beyond belief. I won't hide that. I have never been thin or at a healthy weight. I am scared that I will look deformed or ugly or whatever other negative adjectives I could use to describe myself. But, I am going to be healthy. I am going to be active. I am going to be a person that I never thought I could become. To me, it's not about what the scale says, it's about what the outlook on my health is.

At the age of 25 years old, I am a type 2 diabetic. I have high blood pressure and probably high cholesterol. I haven't had that checked in a while. I am obese in every aspect of the term.

But there are my promises to myself. By January 1, 2015 I will:
-Be 100 pounds lighter
-Be healthier
-Be positive about the past, as it has given me a bright out look on the future
-Not hold grudges towards people who have wronged me
-Run a 5K in the next 12 months
-Do whatever it takes to stay motivated
-Do whatever it takes to keep my husband motivated
-Encourage others around me to take the journey with us

Throughout the next 365 days, I am going to try to blog as often as I can. I will blog out positive things, vent about negative things and I will be 100% real about the struggles of becoming half the woman I am today. (Only in body weight).

There is more than just weight loss and healthy eating and exercising that I hope to gain from this. I hope to gain friends, companions and most of all, encourage someone who is just like me. My hope is that somewhere in the next 365 days, this blog will reach one young woman who has always battled an internal battle of depression and weight gain like I have. If I can help change one life, while changing my own, I will have succeeded in my mission.

We aren't going to be done with this in 365 days. As I said, this is a LIFE LONG resolution. This is going to be a LIFE LONG process. 365 days will not do it. We have to push forward and maintain the life style we are about to take on. I am scared, excited, happy and most of all, motivated. One thing I have never been.

There will be days I don't feel like going to the gym. There will be days I just want to dig a big ole spoon into a carton of Rocky Road Ice Cream. There will be times I'll probably sit on the floor at the gym and cry because I hurt. It's those moments, when I have to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself off, and push on like no other.

January 1, 2014 I weigh 360 pounds. I will never see that number on a scale again.

Please pass this blog along to anyone you might know that may need to read our journey. Anyone that would like to help with recipes, words of encouragement, inspirational stories etc, please leave them in the comment section.

Thank you from the deepest part of my soul for taking the time to go on this journey with us. I am beyond thrilled that this is happening. All my love....