Oh my, where do I even begin. I guess I'll start from the beginning. Ever since I was a child, I was "fat". Growing up, I was the chubby kid. I was active though. I played soccer, basketball, was in gymnastics and karate. I was always playing outside, jumping on the trampoline in our backyard, swimming in the pool, shooting hoops with my Dad outside. I was constantly moving it seemed.
When I hit puberty at the ripe ole age of 9 and became aware of emotions and feelings things changed. My life after that, was sort of scrambled and chaotic. We moved from a small town in Western Michigan to an even smaller town in Northwest Iowa. My family fell apart and after many bouts of depression, I was gaining weight. When we got to Iowa, I weighed 210 pounds. I went through so many ups and downs in Iowa. Emotionally I was broken. My parents had gotten divorced and I had very few friends. When I first moved to Iowa, the guidance counselor tried to find me friends with the "popular" girls, but I never fit it. There were all skinny and I was the "fat kid". By the time I graduated high school, I weighed in at over 300 pounds.
My weight has always been a roller coaster. In 2011 when I moved to northern Michigan I topped the scales are a whopping 410 pounds. I take full responsibility for my weight being out of control. I denied that I was in a sinking hole of depression and ate food to stablize my moods and feelings.
In the last 2 years, I have done a lot of soul searching. I have lost some weight, but my motivation wasn't there. I attempted going to the gym but I found excuses not to go anymore. My overeating continued.
When I fell in love with my husband again, I realized that I am worth more than what I had been treated in my past relationships. I had to learn to let go of the past and focus on the future. My husband helped me to realize that. I cannot compare my past to my future.
So, here it is, the end of 2013 and the beginning of a brand new 2014. I refuse to call this a New Years Resolution. The journey that my husband and I are about to go on is a LIFE LONG RESOLUTION. It is an entire lifestyle change. I am scared beyond belief. I won't hide that. I have never been thin or at a healthy weight. I am scared that I will look deformed or ugly or whatever other negative adjectives I could use to describe myself. But, I am going to be healthy. I am going to be active. I am going to be a person that I never thought I could become. To me, it's not about what the scale says, it's about what the outlook on my health is.
At the age of 25 years old, I am a type 2 diabetic. I have high blood pressure and probably high cholesterol. I haven't had that checked in a while. I am obese in every aspect of the term.
But there are my promises to myself. By January 1, 2015 I will:
-Be 100 pounds lighter
-Be healthier
-Be positive about the past, as it has given me a bright out look on the future
-Not hold grudges towards people who have wronged me
-Run a 5K in the next 12 months
-Do whatever it takes to stay motivated
-Do whatever it takes to keep my husband motivated
-Encourage others around me to take the journey with us
Throughout the next 365 days, I am going to try to blog as often as I can. I will blog out positive things, vent about negative things and I will be 100% real about the struggles of becoming half the woman I am today. (Only in body weight).
There is more than just weight loss and healthy eating and exercising that I hope to gain from this. I hope to gain friends, companions and most of all, encourage someone who is just like me. My hope is that somewhere in the next 365 days, this blog will reach one young woman who has always battled an internal battle of depression and weight gain like I have. If I can help change one life, while changing my own, I will have succeeded in my mission.
We aren't going to be done with this in 365 days. As I said, this is a LIFE LONG resolution. This is going to be a LIFE LONG process. 365 days will not do it. We have to push forward and maintain the life style we are about to take on. I am scared, excited, happy and most of all, motivated. One thing I have never been.
There will be days I don't feel like going to the gym. There will be days I just want to dig a big ole spoon into a carton of Rocky Road Ice Cream. There will be times I'll probably sit on the floor at the gym and cry because I hurt. It's those moments, when I have to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself off, and push on like no other.
January 1, 2014 I weigh 360 pounds. I will never see that number on a scale again.
Please pass this blog along to anyone you might know that may need to read our journey. Anyone that would like to help with recipes, words of encouragement, inspirational stories etc, please leave them in the comment section.
Thank you from the deepest part of my soul for taking the time to go on this journey with us. I am beyond thrilled that this is happening. All my love....
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